Britain, (1832-1898)
The Barrister’s Dream
- They sought it they sought it with care;
- They pursued it with forks and hope;
- They threatened its life with a railway-share;
- They charmed it with smiles and soap.
- But the Barrister, weary of proving in vain
- That the Beaver’s lace-making was wrong,
- Fell asleep, and in dreams saw the creature quite plain
- That his fancy had dwelt on so long.
- He dreamed that he stood in a shadowy Court,
- Where the Snark, with a glass in its eye,
- Dressed in gown, bands, and wig, was defending a pig
- On the charge of deserting its sty.
- The Witnesses proved, without error or flaw,
- That the sty was deserted when found:
- And the Judge kept explaining the state of the law
- In a soft under-current of sound.
- The indictment had never been clearly expressed,
- And it seemed that the Snark had begun,
- And had spoken three hours, before any one guessed
- What the pig was supposed to have done.
- The Jury had each formed a different view
- (Long before the indictment was read),
- And they all spoke at once, so that none of them knew
- One word that the others had said.
- “You must know —” said the Judge: but the Snark exclaimed “Fudge!”
- That statute is obsolete quite!
- Let me tell you, my friends, the whole question depends
- On an ancient manorial right.
- “In the matter of Treason the pig would appear
- To have aided, but scarcely abetted:
- While the charge of Insolvency fails, it is clear,
- If you grant the plea ‘never indebted.
- “The fact of Desertion I will not dispute;
- But its guilt, as I trust, is removed
- (So far as relates to the costs of this suit)
- By the Alibi which has been proved.
- “My poor client’s fate now depends on your votes.”
- Here the speaker sat down in his place,
- And directed the Judge to refer to his notes
- And briefly to sum up the case.
- But the Judge said he never had summed up before;
- So the Snark undertook it instead,
- And summed it so well that it came to far more
- Than the Witnesses ever had said!
- When the verdict was called for, the Jury declined,
- As the word was so puzzling to spell;
- But they ventured to hope that the Snark wouldn’t mind
- Undertaking that duty as well.
- So the Snark found the verdict, although, as it owned,
- It was spent with the toils of the day:
- When it said the word “GUILTY!” the Jury all groaned,
- And some of them fainted away.
- Then the Snark pronounced sentence, the Judge being quite
- Too nervous to utter a word:
- When it rose to its feet, there was silence like night,
- And the fall of a pin might be heard.
- “Transportation for life” was the sentence it gave,
- “And then to be fined forty pound.”
- The Jury all cheered, though the Judge said he feared
- That the phrase was not legally sound.
- But their wild exultation was suddenly checked
- When the jailer informed them, with tears,
- Such a sentence would have not the slightest effect,
- As the pig had been dead for some years.
- The Judge left the Court, looking deeply disgusted:
- But the Snark, though a little aghast,
- As the lawyer to whom the defence was intrusted,
- Went bellowing on to the last.
- Thus the Barrister dreamed, while the bellowing seemed
- To grow every moment more clear:
- Till he woke to the knell of a furious bell,
- Which the Bellman rang close at his ear.
The Hunting of the Snark: an Agony in Eight Fits, (1876).
Fit VI. — The Barrister’s Dream.
Fit VI. — The Barrister’s Dream.
The Pig’s Tale
- Little Birds are dining
- Warily and well,
- Hid in mossy cell:
- Hid, I say, by waiters
- Gorgeous in their gaiters —
- I’ve a Tale to tell.
- Little Birds are feeding
- Justices with jam,
- Rich in frizzled ham:
- Rich, I say, in oysters
- Haunting shady cloisters —
- That is what I am.
- Little Birds are teaching
- Tigresses to smile,
- Innocent of guile:
- Smile, I say, not smirkle —
- Mouth a semicircle,
- That’s the proper style.
- Little Birds are sleeping
- All among the pins,
- Where the loser wins:
- Where, I say, he sneezes
- When and how he pleases —
- So the Tale begins.
- There was a Pig that sat alone
- Beside a ruined Pump:
- By day and night he made his moan —
- It would have stirred a heart of stone
- To see him wring his hoofs and groan,
- Because he could not jump.
- A certain Camel heard him shout —
- A Camel with a hump.
- “Oh, is it Grief, or is it Gout?
- What is this bellowing about?”
- That Pig replied, with quivering snout,
- “Because I cannot jump!”
- That Camel scanned him, dreamy-eyed.
- “Methinks you are too plump.
- I never knew a Pig so wide —
- That wobbled so from side to side —
- Who could, however much he tried,
- Do such a thing as jump!
- “Yet mark those trees, two miles away,
- All clustered in a clump:
- If you could trot there twice a day,
- Nor ever pause for rest or play,
- In the far future — Who can say? —
- You may be fit to jump.”
- That Camel passed, and left him there,
- Beside the ruined Pump.
- Oh, horrid was that Pig’s despair!
- His shrieks of anguish filled the air.
- He wrung his hoofs, he rent his hair,
- Because he could not jump.
- There was a Frog that wandered by —
- A sleek and shining lump:
- Inspected him with fishy eye,
- And said “O Pig, what makes you cry?”
- And bitter was that Pig’s reply,
- “Because I cannot jump!”
- That Frog he grinned a grin of glee,
- And hit his chest a thump.
- “O Pig,” he said, “be ruled by me,
- And you shall see what you shall see.
- This minute, for a trifling fee,
- I’ll teach you how to jump!
- “You may be faint from many a fall,
- And bruised by many a bump:
- But, if you persevere through all,
- And practise first on something small,
- Concluding with a ten-foot wall,
- You’ll find that you can jump!”
- That Pig looked up with joyful start:
- “Oh Frog, you are a trump!
- Your words have healed my inward smart —
- Come, name your fee and do your part:
- Bring comfort to a broken heart,
- By teaching me to jump!”
- “My fee shall be a mutton-chop,
- My goal this ruined Pump.
- Observe with what an airy flop
- I plant myself upon the top!
- Now bend your knees and take a hop,
- For that’s the way to jump!”
- Uprose that Pig, and rushed, full whack,
- Against the ruined Pump:
- Rolled over like an empty sack,
- And settled down upon his back,
- While all his bones at once went “Crack!”
- It was a fatal jump.
Sylvie and Bruno Concluded, (1893).
Ch 23, ‘Bruno’s Lessons’.
Ch 23, ‘Bruno’s Lessons’.
About the Poet
Lewis Carroll (1832-1898), pen name of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, a British mathematician, writer and a member of the faculty of mathematics at the University of Oxford.
Carroll’s stories about Alice and Wonderland, were invented to amuse Alice Liddell, the daughter of a friend, Henry George Liddell, dean of Christ Church College. He was also a pioneer photographer, often choosing children as the subject of his portraits. [DES-6/03]