Eliot, T. S.

Mr. Pugstyles: The Elegant Pig

1. There are plenty of folk with fantastical notions
2. Of foreign bred pigs which our village disdains;
3. With their hairy wild Irish, their little French cochons,
4. Their bloated Westphalians, and burly blond Danes.
5. I says of all such, pitch ’em into the ocean,
6. For if you touch pitch, why it only defiles:
7. There is only one pig what deserves our devotion –
8. Our Worcestershire heavyweight, Mr. Pugstyles.
9. Mr. Pugstyles, Mr. Pugstyles,
10. What a wonderful pig is our Mr. Pugstyles.
11.  
12. From the tips of his ears to the ends of his pedals
13. He’s enough to make all other champions despair.
14. He takes the blue ribbons, he takes the gold medals
15. At all the stock shows and our grand county fair.
16. Other counties have schemers, contrivers and plotters;
17. Their underbred swine only merit our smiles:
18. For the curve of his chaps and the trim of his trotters
19. Proclaim the perfections of Mr. Pugstyles.
20. Mr. Pugstyles, Mr. Pugstyles,
21. Our Worcestershire heavyweight, Mr. Pugstyles.
22.  
23. Not at Highbury Barn, or in sweet Maida Vale,
24. Or at shady Nine Elms can such porkers be seen;
25. Not at rural Chalk Farm, or remote Notting Dale,
26. Or where the cows graze along Camberwell Green.
27. No not in the Minories, not in Old Jewry,
28. Not where the swine along Lothbury glide;
29. Not in the sweet-smelling stys of Old Drury
30. Or where the hogs roll down the lanes of Cheapside
31. Can you find such a pig
32. No not such a pig
33. As our Worcestershire heavyweight, Mr. Pugstyles.
34.  
35. We had an election down our way last week,
36. Which seems an unreasonable thing for to do;
37. And some gentlemen come down from London to speak
38. And they talked and they talked and they talked their selves blue.
39. They talked their selves hoarse till they hardly could croak.
40. So we rushed to the Wheatsheaf, we rushed to the Boar,
41. We rushed to the Angel, we rushed to the Oak,
42. And we all had a pint, and a pint or two more,
43. Until suddenly somebody started to roar:
44. ‘Mr. Pugstyles, Mr. Pugstyles,
45. What a wonderful pig is our Mr. Pugstyles’.
46.  
47. Then we laughed and we laughed till we thought we should choke,
48. And we rushed from the Wheatsheaf, we rushed from the Boar,
49. We rushed from the Angel, we rushed from the Oak,
50. Some come through the window and some through the door;
51. We rushed down the street till we reached the town hall,
52. All cheering until you could hear us for miles,
53. And together we bust out to bellow and bawl:
54. ‘The man for our money is Mr. Pugstyles.
55. Mr. Pugstyles, we want Pugstyles,
56. We won’t have any member but Mr. Pugstyles’.
57.  
58. So Mr. Pugstyles he received every vote
59. And we chaired him, and give him a gallon of milk,
60. And a tall shiny hat, and a long taily coat
61. And a shilling cigar and a necktie of silk.
62. So now we live quiet, and leave well alone
63. And ignore all those Parliament folk and their wiles.
64. Let ’em mind their own business, we’ll manage our own,
65. While we’re represented by Mr. Pugstyles.
66. Mr. Pugstyles, Mr. Pugstyles,
67. Our Worcestershire heavyweight, Mr. Pugstyles.